Understanding and Coping with Loneliness
“I’m all alone; I feel abandoned.”
There is nothing wrong with being alone. Many people choose it, celebrate it, and wouldn't have it any other way.
You can become alone unexpectedly (due to one of life's circumstances) and inadvertently discover its many benefits. You may choose aloneness as your favored life-choice and would be hard-pressed to relinquish it. This may hold, even when you've found someone to couple with – you still zealously guard your alone time. (Today, many couples hold onto their separate residences.)
Loneliness is not the same as being alone. You can feel lonely even if you are among people.
Loneliness is a feeling – feeling bereft of connection. It can feel like you missed the boat somehow, that you have been remiss in some way, that it's somehow your fault, that you must be missing some important human ingredient.
Loneliness is entwined with primal abandonment fear and unconscious shame – the fear of being disconnected – the shame of feeling unworthy of connection. These feelings are buried within the unconscious and account for loneliness' plaintive ache from deep within the core.
Lots of new attention is being paid loneliness …
Vivek Murthy Surgeon General named it!
Loneliness' impact on quality of life, physical and mental health, and longevity. An epidemic. Post Pandemic. A pervasive human issue.
Giving loneliness national prominence helped reduce its shame and secrecy and created the potential for real change. Revolutionary!
We can each do our part to reduce loneliness by making a connection to people within our communities, even if it's just by increasing eye contact or learning a name. We can connect people to welcoming programs. Many communities offer a wide variety of connective programs, i.e. senior centers, political groups, pickle ball, women's groups, volunteer programs, meals on wheels, 12 step programs, yoga, library groups, etc.
If loneliness is one of your issues …
Become engaged in abandonment recovery.
Abandonment Recovery promotes healing for the underlying issues of loneliness, i.e. low self-esteem, fear of rejection (fear of abandonment), social anxiety, depression, lack of mobility, loss of friends and family, etc. You may be self-isolated, creating a cocoon of creature comforts and familiar routines. Abandonment Recovery provides support, healing and growth. You discover you are not alone.
